Coping:
People keep saying “Remember to take care of yourself…” which sure sounds important, and is always delivered with kindness, but doesn’t contain any actual usable information. I understood that concept very early on my own, and I recognized that I would need breaks and coping strategies to survive the inevitable stress and anxiety so I could be an effective caregiver. Here are a few things I’ve set up to help us move forward with reduced stress.
Household organization:
Heather’s decline was so very rapid. For all of our years together she was house-proud and enjoyed decorating, buying rugs and pillows, putting up artwork and dried plants and flowers and keeping everything organized and clean. She kept lists and established goals and priorities. I did what she asked to help but it was very much her show. Suddenly I found myself looking at cupboards with bed linens and towels and seemingly random collections of cloth and I had no idea what to do with it all. I was starting from scratch.
I saw her clothes in dressers and closets and on racks, and it was all a baffling mystery! I had to figure things out quickly or it would rapidly descend into chaos.
I started by bagging and donating the piles of pillows and linens and towels that I couldn’t imagine ever using. It all went out the door. Heather had no interest at all, so once I had reduced those items to understandable and relatable inventories I felt free to move on to the next challenge: clothing! I sorted through the very many coats and sweaters and boots and other items that I knew she either had grown out of or that would never be used. It was first offered to family and friends and the leftovers went to the local charity thrift shop.
The next step involved labelling her dresser and a convenient shelving unit that used to hold knickknacks that I repurposed as the open clothing storage system. I kept only what I pictured myself using: clothing that fit her, bedding, and towels. It was a “less is more” approach. Now anyone could easily get clothing or put clothing away so it could be found again. Nothing is hidden or stashed away.
Decluttering:
I started de-decorating the house too… there were many knicknacks on shelves and various odd old things like baskets and a collection of copper things, none of which I saw any value in keeping. In fact it really just felt like clutter especially when I was buzzing around the house with a vacuum or dusting rag. It started to feel like clutter in my mind too, so… out it went! I was so hesitant about removing the stuff at first because these things always seemed like Heather’s treasures, but now… she absolutely doesn’t care. As far as I can tell she’s not even aware that they existed or are gone. None of it registers. I migrated the stuff to the basement first and then waited to see if it made any difference. Nope.. none. Nothing registered, so away it went. There’s more that can go but I no longer feel the mental clutter. Again, it felt freeing to do this and given the high quality care I provide to my sweetie I feel like have a right to do it. It took some effort to allow myself to think that way.
Husbands: Don’t shy away from the basics like buying clothes and other women’s items including pads etc. We are past that ok? Any store clerk will be more than happy to help if you explain your situation. Find a store or two that you like and stick with them. The other approach is to buy garments and other needs on Amazon and if they don’t fit, return them until you find the right size.
That’s all for now but I’ll definitely add more later!
