One of the surprise challenges I’m running up against is dressing my hunny.
I didn’t anticipate just how difficult it would be, how much time it would consume, and how much patience it would require. I feel like it’s something only another caregiver would fully understand. People might think it’s a challenge to help someone get dressed when they have mobility issues from some physiological issue, or even from a lack of awareness due to dementia, and that’s all true, but add in the complication of the person being constantly in motion and doing things that are contrary to the task at hand and it’s a whole other challenge.
This morning, for instance, while preparing for a shower, I took off her shirt and bra and then got on my knees to help with her socks. As I’m trying to coax her to lift a foot for sock removal, she reached for the bra to put it back on. Same thing happened with glasses and if I had turned my back she would have started re-dressing. Or last night when I pulled down her pants to get ready for her pyjama bottoms she started putting her bra back on but over her pyjama top.
Or when I’m on my knees struggling with socks or pants and she decides to move over so I have to shuffle over myself, hoping she will stay still this time. I’m reasonably fit but the old knees don’t need to be punished like that. This can happens with any article of clothing and at night it’s often accompanied by a blubbering half-crying sound. Another detail that adds to it is monitoring for any signs of urine or other issues requiring fresh undies or pad. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting.
To manage and cope I try to adapt and work with what we have. For example I will block her with my body from leaving the room when we’re busy like this, and I’ll place her removed clothing out of arm’s reach. I get her to sit down for socks, shoes and anything else that has to come on or off her feet, as she can’t follow simple instructions to lift a foot. Sometimes, I use distractions to keep both our spirits up, like this morning when I played 1970s sing-along hits as we readied for the shower. Despite the Primary Progressive Aphasia loss of speech and language, music and songs seem to catch her attention as she tries to sing a few words, so it’s a positive distraction.
The other day, I saw one of those big air-powered stick-man advertising things and thought, “That’s it!” Dressing her is like dressing one of those—kinetic and randomly moving.” Who knew?
I’m giggling, but I know the struggle is real. And it reminds me of trying to dress a toddler on a busy morning. Herding cats might sometimes be easier… You’re doing great, John!
Your analogies are right on! Thanks for the nice comment.
I’m reading this at age 63 and seeing myself heading down this path. The past couple months I forget words so much…. We live a very long, comfortable life as the average American. I’m wondering if anything can slow the progression.
Thank you for sharing!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re headed on the journey, and I hope you have some loved ones around to help you and support you. Have you been to your doctor yet for a CT scan or other tests? Many doctors will prescribe Aricept (donepezil) or Prozac (fluoxetine) as there’s some evidence they might help slow the memory loss issues. Warmest wishes to you!